Diving is great and all that but if we’re being totally honest, TOTALLY honest, we all know that a steaming bowl of Massaman goodness is what really gets our loins excited. But it seems like every man and his dog is selling it, so here’s a few of my favourites and a few to avoid. This is,
‘The Massa-Man’s Diary’
Photo credit thaisq.com
Massaman Curry from various restaurants on Koh Tao
Coffee Boat – Like a belligerent boat captain taking you to the wrong dive site, these boys will cook you something that looks vaguely like a curry and tell you its “same same” as a massaman. Not so, my friends. None of the creamy consistency here and a flavor that might come from a leftover noodles taste packet. Hard to argue with the price though!
Verdict: 1/5
If your despo for some massaman grub and your wallets tighter than a fishes asshole.
El Toro – Mexican and Thai food in one place! ‘Coz nothing says classy like downing your vegetarian spring rolls with a few tequilas! The Massaman curry here was a pleasant surprise. Comes in Mexican size portions and has a nice thick consistency with plenty of flavor and a mild spice. With rice, came in at 100 baht so its not breaking your balls either.
Verdict 3/5
For when you want to get shit faced on mescal and tequila but don’t want to be throwing up burrito beans.
Bingo – Nice spot looking out over the beach it’s a good place to sink a few Changs before ordering your grub. And maybe it was the chang, but the 4 Massamans we ordered all had a very different style. Apparently asking for “no spicey” means ‘run my curry under some tap water please’. For the record, this author laughs in the face of spicy, and so enjoyed his massaman immensely. Apparently our Belgian friend enjoyed his so much he later tried to get into the kitchen through the roof only to find the restaurant closed. At 4am. The drunk.
Verdict Ranges between 1/5 to 3/5 depending who you ask.
For when you want to take a gamble on quality
Blue Chair – Unassuming little place near the beginning of Banyans road. I’m colourblind so have an instant dislike for things with colors in their name, but I digress. The Massaman here left this author unable to leave due to the chubby it gave him. Put simply, Blue Chair has nailed it. Texture and consistency like a soft velvet glove caressing you’re your taste buds, perfect spice and the simple but generous portions of chicken and potato. At 120baht with rice it’s a little on the pricier side, but as with a good escort, you won’t mind paying a little more for a good time and not to leave with a dirty taste in your mouth.
Verdict 5/5
For when you want massaman to make love to your taste balls
Su Chilli – This place has been churning out quality massamans on Koh Tao since before the Thai people knew the island was here. And if you want a solid curry that’ll do the job this is the place. Hearty portion and a healthy dose of chicken and veges, this curry knows what it is and without getting too preachy about it. Only gripe is that every meal ordered comes with a free ‘Long Wait’.
Verdict 4/5
The place you take your parents when they come to visit.
J’Nees – Revered by some locals as the holy grail of Massamans, and indeed its acolytes followed their church when it moved from Sairee to Mae Haad. But the high praise comes with good reason, this curry could well be what Jesus ordered at the last supper. Silky smooth texture that surrounds a healthy chunk of chicken and potatoes and an aroma that pulls your nostrils so close you might fall in and drown. Garnished with a bit of a spicey punch to the taste bolloks but without sacrificing the flavor. Comes in a vege version too so your preachy leaf eating friend can come for dinner too.
Verdict 5/5 Bangin’
If you haven’t tried this one yet I’m going to find you and force this down your face hole.
We actually don’t serve a bad Massaman on our Sail Rock trip on Saturdays!
You could always try your own luck and follow this great recipe…
About the Author: JC is a vagrant with limited food experience. A DMT at Sairee Cottage Diving. He learnt to write this afternoon with the help of youtube. If you have any recommendations or critiques you can send them to myimaginaryemail@makebelieve.com
Posted by nic on Dec 8, 2015 in Living the Dream | 0 comments